Right, so obviously, I started a blog. How hard can it be?
It’s hard. Like, way harder than I think it should be.
Like any generally confused person starting something new, I hit the google first.
Let’s all take a moment to reflect on the greatness and creepiness that is Google. The Googes as I refer to it. I google EVERYTHING, especially in a new city. I have learned where the good grocery store is, the library, the YMCA, the Costco. (Definitely more on that later. My love of Costco has caused people to be concerned about my well-being more than once.) Google knows traffic. Google knows the best route. Google will reroute you MID TRIP if a different way is faster. Google, it just gets me. Sometimes, I don’t appreciate the sassy way it asks me, “did you mean XYZ” But yes in fact Google, usually I do mean XYZ. I love that I can start an email on my phone and pick it up six years later on a laptop! Logically, I understand that’s more the internet than Google but, I give The Googes credit because, hey, Google gets me. Google doesn’t judge when I ask stupid questions that any one who has graduated the 3rd grade should know. Google just gives me answers. Pages and pages of answers. Let’s be real though, if I have to scroll down more than once, it might as well not even exist. Google helps me be lazy.
On the flip side, it also creeps me out. No Google, I don’t need to remember what parking garage I used, TWO WEEKS AGO. When it suggests things I might also be interested in, that’s also a little weird. Like, yeah, one day I did spend far too much time Googling the fastest way to go up steps. I don’t necessarily want to be reminded of that for months. Can’t a girl google if it’s possible to teach a cow how to cart-wheel without it showing up on every device I touch forever?! Yes Google, I have been to the same donut shop for six days in a row. No, Google, I don’t want to label it!!! Mind your own business, Google!
Once Google has sufficiently insulted and irritated me, I move on to Pinterest for help.
Hello black hole of productivity! Sure, I starting looking into how to start a blog. I clicked my way through all sorts of posts about starting blogs, designing blogs, writing blogs, how to get people to find your blogs, how to make money with your blogs, and so on. There’s only so many times I can click and read about blogs before I get overwhelmed. Turns out, it was about two clicks before that feeling hits. It took me two whole blog posts about how to start a blog before I was completely over it and remembered that I was on Pinterest.
Things went downhill quickly after that.
I went from blog posts to funny memes to recipes, to inspirational quotes that must be true because of the background they are printed on.
Some of my favorites happen to be the Pinterest fails. I am self-aware enough to know the limits of my creative abilities. I know I can’t DIY my self a new bathroom. (DEFINITELY more on that later.) I know that I don’t have the patience to grow my own cotton for cloth diapers. I know that I can’t make a stronger than steel bookcase out of empty paper towel rolls, baking soda, and essential oils. I know my limits but I get great joy out of other’s that don’t know their’s. Even better than knowing my limits, is getting to see the people who choose to post their failed attempts. It’s like they do the work, get the result I would, then show the result! All the perks, non of the mess! Now, I have more time to look up way to clean a mess naturally.
While we’re on the subject of natural cleaners and whole crunchy living. I’m very much pro environment, natural healing and, homemade cleaners. Our family diffuses oils every night, making sure that they are the 100% therapy grade real oils. Quite a few years ago, The Man With A Plan mentioned to his mom that his sinuses were acting up. Two days later, we received a tiny bottle and a handwritten note that said, “rub on elbows and knees.” While I was a bit freaked out by the cryptic mail, he didn’t flinch and immediately did as instructed. That’s when he explained that his grandmother traveled through China learning and all about natural healing for years. I was always interested in learning about holistic healing and just happened to fall head over heels for a guy who had the jackpot of knowledge at his fingertips. I don’t like to announce that we use oils or push the natural ways on many people for two main reasons.
1. Because I am a no-judgement zone kinda chick. You don’t want to use them, don’t! You think it’s a load of bologna, glad you have your own way of thinking. You don’t like them? That’s cool, you do you!
2. The real reason? I’m a big fat lying hypocrite!
It’s the same reason I don’t have a Jesus fish sticker on my bumper. Sometimes, my driving isn’t so Christian like. He would not appreciate me announcing he was my co-pilot while breaking speeding limits, cutting people off, and the general unspoken rules of, “don’t be a giant butt-face driver” please. I might as well place a bumper sticker that says, “Excuse me, huge hypocrite coming through. Sorry, not sorry!”
If I have a massive tension headache? You better believe that I throw some rosemary and peppermint oil on my neck and then pop at least two over the counter pills.
I have a three-year old, you can bet your rear end that I buy and use bleach in BULK! He’s gross, y’all.
And oh dear me, BUGS! I like to spray my kids with an all natural, rosemary, tea-tree, lemongrass oil infused bug spray. Surprisingly, my sister makes one that can keep the no-see-ems away and it smells amazing! Anyone in the low country can tell you, these tiny little jerks that are immune to everything will get in your face! I would always spray the children down with this magic spray, then tell them to go stand next to their daddy who has put 100% deet all over himself, except his for his shoes. The spray melted the plastic part of his shoes once. We continued to use melt-your-shoes spray because, hey, it works and it’s not harming the kids!
Outside is a different story. We don’t use anything natural. There’s no oil strong enough to please me when it comes to outdoor pest control. I turn into straight mob boss mode.
Completely unladylike and totally tactless, but completely accurate.
When we first moved to Charleston, on the front porch, there was a cockroach caught in a web with a black widow spider crawling around it. I sent the Man with a Plan a picture apologizing that we had to move because I was about to burn the entire house to the ground. Thankfully, he talked the crazy out of me and he prevented arson that day. The man deserves a medal for the things he deals with.
So yes, I turn into a crazy person but there will be no natural pest control on the outside of my house. If the ground has the ability to support any type of life form within 6 inches of the house, then the chemicals I insist upon using are considered ineffective. Again, leading to arson which my husband does not support.
Here’s the good news! We moved away from the coast and the no-see-ems. We’re deep in the heart of Texas now. Snakes and bugs aren’t an issue anymore, right?