I know I’m supposed to be telling you about our big move but, *spoiler alert* I got distracted.
As a mother….
Don’t you hate when people do that? It’s like the biggest, know-it-all, worse way to start a condescending statement. Anyway.
As a mother, I have a request to all non-parents, single people, DINKS (you know who you are, with your Duel Income No Kids free lifestyle) or even parents who are out without their children. For the love of all good things, STOP SITTING NEXT TO THE KID’S AREA!!!!!
I’m looking at you, business guys having a meeting sitting at the door RIGHT NEXT TO THE PLAYSCAPE! I mean, keep your pretentious looks to yourself buttface, you’re the one having a business meeting at a Chick-fil-a, YOU AIN’T FANCY, BRO!!!!
I’m not knocking Chick-Fil-A, I love that place. Some even have fountain cherry coke on tap! They have healthy options, that I ignore, clean kid’s play area, and they are required to be nice! I once had an employee tell me, “you’re welcome” instead of “my pleasure” and I was in too much shock to complain to a manager about her rude behavior! They throw extra packages of sauce, FOR FREE, and they play area has only one entrance/exit making escaping difficult for the
Which brings me back to my point. There is only one door in and out of the play area. If you’re trying to conduct business, why in the world would you sit there?! And then act annoyed that children are going in and out. And in. And out. And then back in. I mean, mine don’t do it. It’s not because of my parenting. It’s because Girl is well behaved and Boy is food motivated. He has to make sure that everyone eats all the food and he doesn’t miss any chances. Usually though, the door is non-stop open and closing, by kids and parents.
BACK TO MY POINT…. DON’T SIT THERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Come on dude, who are you supervising while sitting at that table?? NO ONE! You are responsible only for yourself. Yourself, that could have just as easily sat down on the other side of the place that has no children running in and out and back and forth. You’re a grown adult, act like it.
The next group, I give a little more understanding towards. I also, give a little schooling towards them too. Looking at you, group of teenage girls sitting next to the zero entry side of the pool!
I get it, you’re comfortable there. It’s where you’ve always gone. You know why you’ve always gone there?? Cause it was easy for MOMMY! Now, you’re growing up, allowed to go to the pool and gossip and discuss deep issues that impact your generation that other people just don’t get.
Here’s the thing. You gotta go. With greater privileges comes greater inconveniences, like sitting by the deep end. Unfortunately for you, I will ask you to move. I will find shade, or sun, or whatever you currently have away from the shallow, easy watching area. Then, I will ask you to move. Guess what, they always move. I’ve asked on more than one occasion and normally get the same response. It’s along the lines of, “oh!” Light bulb moment reflects in their eyes, “Yeah! We can totally move!”
They were either really sweet kids looking to help, or really freaked out kids trying to avoid dealing with a crazy mom. I don’t care either way as long as they move. Honestly, I’m not sure how far I would push if they hadn’t moved so freely. I can tell you that I would have sunblocked them without warning or consent.
Good opportunity to tell you now, if you hang with me, you will get sprayed, sticked or lotioned with sunblock. Spell check is telling me that those aren’t words and I can’t just turn nouns into verbs all willie-nillie like but Google can mind it’s own business when it comes to skin protection. I will invent words to keep our kids safe. You’re welcome.
Anyway, when we were coastal living, we were on the beach almost daily. Often with extra kids around and I never ask permission to treat your kids as my own. If I was reapplying my kids, your kids were gonna get hit. They would also get offered a snack and drink. Sometimes healthy mostly not.
Don’t worry, I also packed special snacks for the kids with allergies. We all knew what kid couldn’t have what. That’s village life for you. The Man with a Plan asked once, why did I buy gluten free, dairy free, peanut free snacks for our kids who would eat anything, up to and including dirt. Same reason we didn’t do pizza on a night when we had an extra kid sensitive to the acidity in tomatoes, other people’s kids can’t eat that! One time in a store he picked up a box of gluten, dairy free cookies from our cart.
“Are you telling me, we are buying these for our daughter’s friend’s little brother that *might* be going to the beach with you next week?”
My face was a weird mixture of duh and of course! I learned from my Polish Grandmother. I’m going to feed you.
He quit asking and trying to figure out why I do half the things I do a long time ago.
He’s a smart man.