Guys, I know you look to me for some nonsense and we all share a good reason for needing some distraction. And it starts with a C.

There are many bad “C” words. Cancer. Cholesterol. Cellulite. Coagulation. Well, maybe coagulation isn’t a bad word but it sounds like should be. Then there’s the new big one. The big C…. CoVid-19. When I think of CoVid-19, the words I think of definitely don’t start with the letter C. I’ll let your imagination fill in the words.

But, this isn’t a distraction type post. I know that’s why y’all come to me but I can’t do it right now. Listen, I am so grateful for the ability to stay at home, be safe in my home, have food, electricity, toilet paper and the such but this is going to be a whiny vent-y post because I am not okay. And not enough people are saying that out loud.

Even before this psychotic break I am currently having, I wasn’t good with schedules, routines, and organizational charts. Now, all I see are people are showing off their new home school rooms and schedules and routines and color coded organizational charts sprinkled in with all the inspirational posts and my only response is to flip off the screen with a little grunt. The same screen that I am using WAY too much. Along with the too much eating, drinking, and all around lounging. I’ve lost count of the days where I wake up and change from my pajamas into yoga pants.  I’m normally friends with these organized lovely people. I don’t hate them, I love them and NORMALLY I admire their skill set and their willingness to share it with me. Well, NOT ANYMORE. THANKS C word.

I am not ashamed to say that this sucks. Well, maybe a little ashamed but mostly not. I know that we’re lucky to live in a place that has groceries and the ability to work and school from home. HASHTAG BLESSED.

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I get that, and I am grateful but holy crap, I AM OVER IT! I’ve become aware of all the science and psychology behind it. Why people are hording toilet paper. Why we all feel like we are at war. How we are all going through the five stages of grief mourning the world that once was and will never be again. I get it. It all makes sense WHY we are acting and feeling the way we are but it still makes me NOT OKAY.

Listen, I need to go places. I need to hug complete strangers, just ask the paint guy at the Home Depot, he will confirm. I need to have breakfast dates with my friends. I need my children to play with their friends. I need to get back to work, where it’s not life threatening to have a kid cough into my open eye hole, which happens on the regular. Are these essential? Not in the definition or spirit of the law but they are A LITTLE BIT IF YOU WANT MY MIND TO COME OUT AS SHARP AS IT WAS BEFORE. I’ve never been the brightest light bulb in the crayon box but I can feel myself slipping day by day.

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I’m in survival mode. And that means that some days, I dominate home school. I play with my kids, we bake excessive amounts of cookies and make cardboard robots. Some days, I am rocking this whole shelter in place quarantine thing but most days, I am not. I’m clinging on to my sanity and apologizing to my kids multiple times before breakfast because the whole world is different. And I forgot to feed them breakfast. Everyone is starting over on how to navigate their lives because nothing is the same. We’re at square one here people! There’s all sorts of websites, apps, ideas and theories to get us all through it but there isn’t much in the way of, IF YOU THINK THIS SUCKS YOU ARE MY KINDA PEOPLE safe spaces.

So, here it is. If you are scared, tired, annoyed, over it, holding on to your sanity by your fingernails… I welcome you. We all get to whine and complain and talk about how much this sucks even though we’re hashtag blessed. Let me feel my feelings! I just need a minute to acknowledge the gross of it all. I won’t stay here in this pit of misery. Tomorrow starts my day of good attitudes and blessing you all with more of my madness of distractions. Tomorrow will be better except if it isn’t. Then I reschedule it to the day after tomorrow because schedules are dumb and I’m a roll with the punches kinda chick. I won’t be whiny and angry for long because I do have some great things to live for. Like cheese, I mean kids.

I meant my kids. Totally meant my kids.

But yeah, also cheese. HASHTAG BLESSED!

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One thought on “The “C” word has a whole new meaning.

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