For some reason, I decided not to use my family’s real names and minimal real life pictures. I’m not sure why, maybe something to do with internet privacy but it’s more likely that I want to give my kids a fighting chance to survive their childhood with such an embarrassing mom.
THE MAN WITH THE PLAN
He’s also known as Head of the House, The Boss Man, Husband, and most commonly, DADDY!!!!! He’s the one that makes sure that the house has things like, electricity, insurance, and a clean yard. He is extremely hard-working and intelligent, the kind of guy you want on your side and also on your trivial pursuit team. He will dominate every question unless it’s early 2000 pop music. His weakness is giving his wife whatever she asks for. His biggest mistake is allowing his children to know his only weakness.
THE WOMAN WHO FIGURES IT OUT AS SHE GOES
She’s also known as Wife, Mommy, Ma, MOM and most commonly, MOMMY-MOM-MOMMY-MOMMY!!!!! She’s the one that keeps everyone alive and makes sure that everyone is where they should be, when they should be there, with what they should have with them. She’s also the one that makes sure that the fridge is stocked with healthy, organic fruits and vegetables and the pantry is stocked with potato chips, cookies, and all other sorts of treats to bribe people into behaving. She’s horrible at all categories of trivial pursuit except early 2000 pop music. If the house wishes to run in an orderly fashion, everyone has agreed that she has no weaknesses and makes no mistakes.
THE GIRL WITH THE SOFTEST HEART
Our eight-year old girl goes by many names, most fittingly, sweet girl. She’s smart, sassy, and an amazing big sister. She is aware of everyone’s feelings and has no problem helping. She once took a soccer ball all the way to the goal and stopped because she wanted to make sure her friend’s had a chance to score. Her competitive daddy watching from the sidelines almost broke every fiber in his being when he shouted, “I’m so proud of your good sharing baby girl but please KICK THE BALL!!!!”
THE BOY WHO WILL BREAK THINGS BEFORE THEY BREAK HIM
That’s right. Our three-year old boy breaks things like unbreakable toys, all child-proof safety items, his mother’s spirit, and bricks. One of the struggles of being such a smart toddler is you must know how everything works, even if it means taking it apart. One of the perks of being the son of the “man with a plan” is you inherit his super human strength that allows you to do it. We don’t know how he is so gentle with babies and animals and yet, hard plastic doesn’t stand a chance.